Elon Musk offers to buy the rake he stepped on

SAN FRANCISCO— Tesla CEO and entrepreneur Elon Musk has reportedly made a takeover bid for a rake he recently stepped on that smashed him in the face.

“Aha, very crafty, rake,” Musk said, directly at the rake on the ground. “I see that you, like many other embarrassing things I’ve hurt myself about recently, have fallen victim to the ‘woke’ mindset which sees you seeking out and tearing down those with ideas contrary to your own. I don’t respect your approach, rake, but I’d like to invest in your future. How much to buy you right away? »

Eyewitnesses estimated that Musk waited up to ten minutes before realizing the rake was not going to meet his lucrative offer.

“A lot of us got together once we realized who it was,” said Tracy Brooks, one of the many people in attendance. “And after a while we were screaming, stuff like, ‘Hey Elon, that rake isn’t going to respond to you!’ and ‘You’re nosebleed, Elon!’, but he just kept standing there, staring at the rake. Eventually, I think he realized nothing was going to happen, so he just announced that he had joked the whole time and that he had buggered off. Hope he went for help, his nose looked really bad.

“And to think he wouldn’t have stepped on that rake in the first place if he just had a few yellow warning signs,” Brooks said. “But he hates color.”

As of press time, Musk had announced plans to pull the rake into space.

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